those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So many bounce houses so little time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
