Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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