last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
