We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
