Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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