The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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