I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
