he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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