so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
