I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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