I looked at my own cervix.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
