We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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