every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
