i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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