Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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