One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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