Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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