I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
