I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
