When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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