Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
