Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
