I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
