i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
