Pregnant stripper...not hot.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
