Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
