Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
