maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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