Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
