I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
