but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
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