u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
