Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
