just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
