dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
