i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
