How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
