instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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