he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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