She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
