So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
