And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
