Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
