woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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