I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He shit in the fireplace
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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