Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
