So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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