She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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