so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
