dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
